Trimming the dry slouch

I want to make a moisturising and anti-wrinkle cream, and brand it under the slogan:
- "Give piss a chance"

I only use a fraction of my time doing nonsensical things, I've calculated it to 10/9s.

I hate it when my legs are asleep, unless the rest of me is as well. Then I appreciate they are....it would be a hassle if they weren't.

My sister often tells me I have no imagination. I think that's harsh, especially since she only exists in my mind.

I'm a mean swimmer. And by that I mean, I yell out profanities at others while I'm swimming.

The other day someone came up to on the street, and I was asked if I would consider spending money on charity. I thought about it, and answered yes, before walking away.

One of my friends tells me she is getting older and says she would do anything to get a baby. But apparently kidnapping didn't fall into that category.

One of my friends tells me she is getting older and says she would do anything to have a baby. But apparently that wasn't an invitation for impregnation as much as it was a felony(for indecent exposure).

A prostitute is a woman you for a sum of money rent for a limited period of time. Apparently marriage is a nice word for leasing.